i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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