So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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