come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
