I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't deserve a penis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had sex on a dog bed..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
