sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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