So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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