you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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