Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There r osticjed everywhere
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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