I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
