so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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