Do you still have your period?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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