Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
