I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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