If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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