you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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