I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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