I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
