well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
