I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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