just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
