alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
