Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
