Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
