There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
