just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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