Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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