Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think your dad took our porno
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
