i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
