hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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