How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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