yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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