I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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