I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
