Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
