She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
