you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
