and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
