Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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