Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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