Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
