47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
