So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
