Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
