I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
