I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
