Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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