She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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