yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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