I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
