mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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