Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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