I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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