Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
