Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
