i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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