I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
