she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
