I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
