THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
