Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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