Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
