just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
