Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I understand Curling. That high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
