I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
