Dual....:-)
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
