remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
